As a child, I rarely played outside. I didn’t go to the neighborhood creeks looking for rocks or go to the park. I didn’t play softball or basketball or run track. In high school, I was on the tennis team, but as the manager of the team. The manager supervised the logistics of getting the team to tournaments and wasn’t ever required to own a tennis racket. I had to get my physical education credit somehow even if I had [...]
May 2010
I am waiting for it to happen. It has been 46 weeks, 325 days, 7800 hours, 468,000 minutes, and 20, 080, 000 seconds since we moved from Texas to Arizona. But I haven’t experienced that feeling yet. The cacti are still a novelty and I am still pulling my camera out, taking pictures. As I drive on the highway, I notice there is not any errant pieces of white littering the pathway. Instead of graffiti, there are intricate etches of [...]
When we moved to Phoenix, my daughter decided to adopt some imaginary friends. These friends would follow us everywhere. There were two of them and my daughter was their spokesperson. If she got a bath, they got one too. If I fed her cheese pizza, I would have to feed them too. Everything I did for her, I did for them too. After the third month of my two other “children”, I started to get a little worried. I asked [...]
In the 1400′s it was discovered that newborns have a soul. I am uncertain why it was necessary to document this, but at that point the field of neonatology was relatively unknown. I’ve walked into a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit only once. It was a sobering experience. Everywhere there are clear white incubators and inside them small souls. Some babies lungs are not fully developed so they need assistance breathing from a ventilator. Some babies stomachs and intestines are not functioning, [...]
He said no, but I said yes. The year was 1995. People were mulling about in the college library, zealous students proofreading papers minutes before they were due, the mix of soda, coffee, and stale sandwiches filling the air. My stomach was jumping on a trampoline, my mind trying to concentrate on the white paper, but nothing worked. I pushed my chair out, using the wooden table for balance. I sat back down. You can do it, I tell myself. [...]
If I let go and allow my mind to wander, I can still smell that room. Cracked ceilings, the beeps of the monitors whisper things you don’t want to hear, and the smell of the old skin permeates the air. Strangers come in and out, to take vitals, to remove trash, to deliver food, and to write their name on the dry eraser board in the room. The television set acts as a megaphone to the room, blurting out the [...]
My hand picks up a flat rock as the blue water waits. My hand swings back, the rock heavy, and it bounces on the surface of the water four times and then disappears into the water. Memories are like skipping stones. Some memories have greater bounce and they stick in our conscious, resisting the urge to disappear. There are certain details I will never forget and will bounce eternal in my mind. Here are some of my skipping stones: I [...]
Dick Clark was on the television set, but I wasn’t in my living room. It was 2007, hours away from 2008. I was standing at the foot of my father’s hospital bed, looking at him, not quite understanding how fate had brought us here. It was the eighth visit to the hospital or maybe the tenth, or I don’t even know. After ten visits, I think we all lost count. On this New Year’s Eve, it was my turn to [...]
It shines, glitters, and when I put my diamond ring in the sunlight, a thousand rays shout out to the sky. In its brilliance, I am lost. I never leave my house without slipping it on my finger, a symbol of so many things. Love. Marriage. Commitment. But there are moments of doubt that lurk into my conscience. I think about the other secrets that may lurk in the soul of this diamond. Secrets that I don’t like to think [...]
I never had a boyfriend in high school. My hair was too long, my eyebrows looked like black caterpillars on my face, and my crooked, humped parrot nose was my signature trait. My light brown eyes garnered an occasional compliment from a boy, but eyes alone wouldn’t get me a date. It also didn’t help that I had conservative Indian parents, who translated a homework phone call from a boy as a sign that I was pregnant. In high school, [...]
