The desert is full of natural paradoxes. Sometimes it startles me, but its presence coaxes me to breath. This past Sunday I was standing at the edge, looking out at the red scenic rocks, the gaping hole in between mountains and the green lush trees that line the edge.
I’ve struggled in the recent months to find where I should land. The more I live my life, the more questions I have about it. I realize, though, I become so mired in finding purpose that I am guilty of sometimes not living life to its fullest extent. I dwell on the past. I anticipate and worry about the future. Althought I talk and write about living in the present, I realize that so often my mind isn’t on the present, its on something intangible, whether it occurred in the past or will happen in the future.
It isn’t necessarily balance I am seeking, but a way to crawl out of my own vortex of thoughts. Like a vortex, my mind swirls, in circles, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but I never stop spinning. In the Sedona mountains, there is a spiritual vortex that you can feel, the right combination of energy can lift you, can thrust you out of the process into your destination.
I’ve written about this before and I know this repetition. But I am still seeking. I yearn for a focus, to find that central point in the vortex, but I am mesmerized with the periphery. The things that don’t matter, yet I make them matter for reasons I don’t understand.
For now, I am embracing the spin, hoping one day that I can find my own spirtual vortex.
Have you found your vortex? Do you sometimes feel as if your spinning? How often are your focused on things that don’t matter? Do you focus on the periphery even though you know it is unimportant?