On Friday, my father’s birthday passed like any other day. When he was alive, we would all go to dinner and then celebrate by buying a German Chocolate cake, singing Happy Birthday, and feeding him pieces of cake. Even writing this memory, various images flash in my mind. His smile, my mom’s laughter, my sister giving my father a hug, while we all formed a circle around him. I am trying to reconcile that memory with the present. There isn’t [...]
July 2011
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. . . There is sort of invisible blanket between the world and me.” C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed Oh, there it is again. That damn grey oxygen tank. And the cannula through his nose. His feet firmly rest on the shiny silver wheelchair pedestals,while the rest of his body is telling another story. I look at his eyes, [...]
In less than three weeks, summer will end and my daughter will start Kindergarten. I’ve anticipated this beginning for most of the year. It seems like an incredible transition, for me and her. Just a few weeks ago, a friend asked whether I was ready for the summer to be over. My own answer surprised me. I told her with little hesitation, “No.” I realize I am not ready to let my daughter venture into her next milestone. My days [...]
“And while it takes courage to achieve greatness, it takes more courage to find fulfillment in being ordinary. For the joys that last have little relationship to achievement, to standing one step higher on the victory platform. What is the adventure in being ordinary? It is daring to love just for the pleasure of giving it away. It is venturing to give new life and to nurture it to maturity. It is working hard for [...]
I recognize the feeling when all of us are in the same room. It feels a little different now, but the air exudes familiarity and a quiet comfort. My sister came to visit this past week and the room filled up with laughter, giddiness, and traces of childhood goodness. We did ordinary activities like shopping at the local mall, ate donuts for breakfast, and harassed each other over our imperfections. There was plenty of laughter, emanating from my daughter, because [...]
Last night we went to dinner at a local restaurant. My husband decided to linger a little longer inside, while I took my daughter outside. As I sat down, a large patch of green grass stared at us, an uncommon site in the desert. My daughter asked, “Momma, look at the grass. Can I walk in it?” Even before I said yes, she slipped her flip-flops off and started running fast across the grass. I watched her run and a [...]
July 9th marked my daughter’s half-birthday. She is officially five and a half years old. In another month she will start kindergarten. And in my core I hear my insides churning, saying “slow down.” In the last few month as I interact with her, a wave of love overcomes me. But in the very same instant my heart is filled with sadness. I sense time becoming its own character in our lives. As we walked yesterday in the store, she [...]
Beautiful Voice Please click on the link Beautiful Voice. I’ve watched this video a few times. At the end of every viewing, my face is filled with tears. It is worth the watch. It will make you think about the capacity of the human spirit and what it can do when it is tested or when the odds suggest that it will be difficult to make it through the next minute or hour of the same day. It [...]
My husband, daughter and I spent the last week breathing in the sights of San Francisco. As a teenager I visited Lombard Street, Golden Gate Bridge, and Fisherman’s Wharf. Even though I carried these memories, it felt as if I was visiting these places and others for the very first time. Travelling with my five year old daughter filled me with wonder. Everytime we encountered something new, she paused and started asking questions. The first questions came with the open [...]
