This past Saturday afternoon we spent time moving through ordinary tasks. Folding laundry, paying bills, and general clean-up took most of the day. This routine is something I usually cherish. As my husband and I finished our tasks, we talked about fixing a late afternoon snack. Our daughter overheard our conversation. Within a span of a few minutes, we heard the rustle of the bag sheltering the bread and the refrigerator opening. I asked my daughter what she was doing [...]
Children
On January 8th, you turned six. This morning you told me, “I can’t be five forever. I am six. You turned six too, Momma. Do you remember?” I understand your six, but I am reluctant to accept it. Everytime we celebrate your birthday, a part of me realizes I need to let go. There is so much of you that I love. Not a regular kind of love, but love that I feel in my marrow. Belly-laughs. Conversations about what [...]
Yesterday evening, in-between my vaccuming the floors, my daughter, says affirmatively to me, “I believe in Santa.” I replied, “Of course, you believe in Santa. Why wouldn’t you?” She looks at me like a lighthouse and says, “I heard a girl say she didn’t believe in Santa.” The conversation ended as abruptly as it began. She resumed bouncing around, from one sofa to next, and then she took an occasional break to color in her book. I restarted the vaccum, [...]
As soon as my daughter wakes up, she asks, “How many hours did I sleep?” I’ve learned the hard way that it pleases her if she accumulates more than ten hours of sleep. ”I think you slept for eleven hours. Come on. Let’s get ready for school.” She heads to the bathroom and into the shower and before she puts one foot on the surface of the tile, she asks,” Will you do a hairstyle for me?” In order to [...]
A year ago today my daughter lost her first tooth. Since last December, she’s lost five more teeth. And in less than a month my daughter will turn six. Inside I wonder how long her innocent look at the world will endure. Right now, at this very moment, she believes in the Tooth Fairy. She tells me that her Tooth Fairy is the sister of Tinkerbell and she flies in her room with magical powers and goodies while she sleeps. [...]
On Tuesday night this week I sunk under my covers in our bed. As restless as I am during the day, moving from one task to the next, I fall asleep with little preparation. I may read for a few minutes or surf on the computer right before bed. Once my head grazes the pillow, I am fast asleep. The night usually brings a deep and restful slumber unless the phone rings or my daughter decides to wake me for [...]
The pink and white princess bike sits against the grey backdrop in the garage. The air looks low in the front tire and the pretty streamers from the bike handles have withered away. Two days ago, my daughter finally took notice of her bike, one that she’s had since she was 4. She asked, “Momma, can we go bike riding?” My answer spilled without hesitation. “No, not today. Maybe later.” I was surprised by her question. Her relationship with her [...]
to live in this world you must be able to do three things to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go – Mary Oliver The first time my daughter attended pre-school a bubble of tears formed on her face as she said, “Momma, please don’t leave me. I want to stay with you.” I remember walking away [...]
My daughter is Indian. I forget this sometimes. Our primary language at home is English. When I speak Gujarati, she laughs, and says, “What language are you speaking? That sounds like what Nani’s says (her reference to my mom).” When we watch a show or sitcom and a reference to India is made, I tell her that is where she is from, not convinced myself if I am saying the right thing. Despite my reservations, I’ve always said I am [...]
She grabbed my hand. Not now, is what I wanted to say, but instead, her fingers intertwined with mine without hesitation. I knew her questions would come next. My mind gravitated toward my to-do list, a mental blueprint of all the things I felt compelled to do. Drive to the store to get groceries. Pay the bills. Do the laundry. Write. Exercise. “Momma, can we color? Please. Please.” My five year old runs with her steel pail as crayons fell [...]
