“Life seems to flood by, taking our loves quickly in its flow. In the growth of children, in the aging of beloved parents, time’s chart is magnified, showing in its particularity, focused so that with each celebration of maturity there is also a pang of loss. This our human problem, one common to parents, sons and daughters, too-how to let go while holding tight, how to simultaneously cherish the closeness and intricacy of the bond while at the same time [...]
Children
I’ve always admired people who love to dance. Yesterday afternoon I attended a dance recital which featured my daughter and other dancers. As I watched her, I smiled with a wide grin, cheering her on in my seat. She twirled her hands in a circular motion and her feet moved back and forth in rhythm. Her arms reached up and the expression on her face exuded happiness. Although over seventy people sat in the audience, my daughter didn’t hesitate in [...]
“Momma, you are my best friend. I love you so much.” These words echo in my ear at least five to ten times a day. Impromptu hugs, kisses on the cheek, and cuddles are a regular staple of my daughter’s daily routine. The recipient of these gems is usually me. She is six, an age where unconditional love is abundant. When we walk in the parking lot to school, she grabs my hand even when there are no cars [...]
I’ve talked about my aversion to turbulence, both in air and life. The feeling is one we all know, our emotions crunch inside of us and the unsteady terrain delivers a continuous stream of uncertainty. There is very little comfort in those kind of moments. You have to sit in it, your mind tricks you into believing that you are locked into this irregular flow of varying emotions: fear, anxiety, and ambiguity. The last few months I’ve certainly struggled with [...]
It was late afternoon. I picked up my daughter from school and we talked about her day in the car. It was an ordinary conversation about what she is learning in math and science, as well as sprinkles about her adventures on the playground with her friends. As we enter our home, she sheds her uniform and puts on a pair of pants and floral t-shirt. She is singing, “La-la-la, Sing a Happy Song, Smurf your whole day long.” It [...]
This past Saturday afternoon we spent time moving through ordinary tasks. Folding laundry, paying bills, and general clean-up took most of the day. This routine is something I usually cherish. As my husband and I finished our tasks, we talked about fixing a late afternoon snack. Our daughter overheard our conversation. Within a span of a few minutes, we heard the rustle of the bag sheltering the bread and the refrigerator opening. I asked my daughter what she was doing [...]
On January 8th, you turned six. This morning you told me, “I can’t be five forever. I am six. You turned six too, Momma. Do you remember?” I understand your six, but I am reluctant to accept it. Everytime we celebrate your birthday, a part of me realizes I need to let go. There is so much of you that I love. Not a regular kind of love, but love that I feel in my marrow. Belly-laughs. Conversations about what [...]
Yesterday evening, in-between my vaccuming the floors, my daughter, says affirmatively to me, “I believe in Santa.” I replied, “Of course, you believe in Santa. Why wouldn’t you?” She looks at me like a lighthouse and says, “I heard a girl say she didn’t believe in Santa.” The conversation ended as abruptly as it began. She resumed bouncing around, from one sofa to next, and then she took an occasional break to color in her book. I restarted the vaccum, [...]
As soon as my daughter wakes up, she asks, “How many hours did I sleep?” I’ve learned the hard way that it pleases her if she accumulates more than ten hours of sleep. ”I think you slept for eleven hours. Come on. Let’s get ready for school.” She heads to the bathroom and into the shower and before she puts one foot on the surface of the tile, she asks,” Will you do a hairstyle for me?” In order to [...]
A year ago today my daughter lost her first tooth. Since last December, she’s lost five more teeth. And in less than a month my daughter will turn six. Inside I wonder how long her innocent look at the world will endure. Right now, at this very moment, she believes in the Tooth Fairy. She tells me that her Tooth Fairy is the sister of Tinkerbell and she flies in her room with magical powers and goodies while she sleeps. [...]
