On Tuesday night this week I sunk under my covers in our bed. As restless as I am during the day, moving from one task to the next, I fall asleep with little preparation. I may read for a few minutes or surf on the computer right before bed. Once my head grazes the pillow, I am fast asleep. The night usually brings a deep and restful slumber unless the phone rings or my daughter decides to wake me for [...]
Children
The pink and white princess bike sits against the grey backdrop in the garage. The air looks low in the front tire and the pretty streamers from the bike handles have withered away. Two days ago, my daughter finally took notice of her bike, one that she’s had since she was 4. She asked, “Momma, can we go bike riding?” My answer spilled without hesitation. “No, not today. Maybe later.” I was surprised by her question. Her relationship with her [...]
to live in this world you must be able to do three things to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go – Mary Oliver The first time my daughter attended pre-school a bubble of tears formed on her face as she said, “Momma, please don’t leave me. I want to stay with you.” I remember walking away [...]
My daughter is Indian. I forget this sometimes. Our primary language at home is English. When I speak Gujarati, she laughs, and says, “What language are you speaking? That sounds like what Nani’s says (her reference to my mom).” When we watch a show or sitcom and a reference to India is made, I tell her that is where she is from, not convinced myself if I am saying the right thing. Despite my reservations, I’ve always said I am [...]
She grabbed my hand. Not now, is what I wanted to say, but instead, her fingers intertwined with mine without hesitation. I knew her questions would come next. My mind gravitated toward my to-do list, a mental blueprint of all the things I felt compelled to do. Drive to the store to get groceries. Pay the bills. Do the laundry. Write. Exercise. “Momma, can we color? Please. Please.” My five year old runs with her steel pail as crayons fell [...]
It was three o’clock in the afternoon, the sun’s intensity radiated hot and the golden rays ransacked the cool that my daughter and I sensed in our home. Nothing was atypical about this summer day in the desert. Mid-August meant temperatures over a hundred degrees and the taste of sand lingering from the recent sandstorm. Another sign of the summer: My five-year-old daughter needed an activity to stop the incessant, “Momma I am bored. What are we going to do [...]
Dear N., Today you don’t amble, but run with fury into your first day of Kindergarten. The night before, as I tucked you in, you asked, “Momma, will you miss me?” I turned my head in the other direction because tears formed a little puddle in a tiny corner of my eye. Tilting my head to the side, I told you, “Of course, N., I will miss you. You don’t know how much.” I asked if you wanted to stay [...]
On Monday afternoon, the countdown began. In less than seven days, our one and only little girl starts Kindergarten. There is an ambivalence injected into this beginning, knowing that she will enter into a world of reading words, adding and subtracting, and interactions that see-saw between happy and hurt. I’ve secretly wished for this week to move slow, so that I can take a snapshot of all those moments that will lead to her latest milestone. We spent part of [...]
Balmy and hot, I cannot sleep. The fan creaks as the spokes move in a circular direction, but even after continuous momentum the air is still stagnant. Outside I hear a cacophony of sounds, the horns of taxis and Marutis beeping every two minutes, the hollow high pitched voice of the man selling spintops on the crowded street, and the latest Bollywood songs coming from the rikshas. My thoughts are interrupted by my grandmother, my Nani, who offers me comfort by [...]
In less than three weeks, summer will end and my daughter will start Kindergarten. I’ve anticipated this beginning for most of the year. It seems like an incredible transition, for me and her. Just a few weeks ago, a friend asked whether I was ready for the summer to be over. My own answer surprised me. I told her with little hesitation, “No.” I realize I am not ready to let my daughter venture into her next milestone. My days [...]
