“Life seems to flood by, taking our loves quickly in its flow. In the growth of children, in the aging of beloved parents, time’s chart is magnified, showing in its particularity, focused so that with each celebration of maturity there is also a pang of loss. This our human problem, one common to parents, sons and daughters, too-how to let go while holding tight, how to simultaneously cherish the closeness and intricacy of the bond while at the same time [...]
Life Lessons
My fingers shook, the palms of my hand screamed sweat and anxiety. I cursed the dial-up modem of my computer. My mom was standing over my shoulder wondering what the digital screen would reveal. “Ugh, so slow. Not now. I can’t wait much longer.” I flipped the ends of my hair in a twist, somehow convincing myself if I continued to do this, the internet connection would move faster. Typing with purpose, I pressed on the keys fast until I [...]
“Momma, you are my best friend. I love you so much.” These words echo in my ear at least five to ten times a day. Impromptu hugs, kisses on the cheek, and cuddles are a regular staple of my daughter’s daily routine. The recipient of these gems is usually me. She is six, an age where unconditional love is abundant. When we walk in the parking lot to school, she grabs my hand even when there are no cars [...]
The expression on his face didn’t convey much. I knew he was tired of talking and more exhausted from living. My father, limp from the chemotherapy and radiation, laid on his hospital bed in the middle of my childhood room. At this point, his oncologist wanted to put a period on what he could do. In a quiet voice, he told us that measures needed to be taken to make his remaining days comfortable. As he said this, I wondered [...]
Sixteen and nervous, I pretended to walk with purpose toward the piano. On the right and left of me, there are people who have various expressions on their faces: boredom, anticipation, and happiness. Most are parents who are eagerly awaiting their child to play their particular piece. Before I stood up, I looked to the side and remember my mom, mouthing, “You will do great. Good luck!” Doubt filled my head. Although I practiced my piece a thousand times, I [...]
I’ve talked about my aversion to turbulence, both in air and life. The feeling is one we all know, our emotions crunch inside of us and the unsteady terrain delivers a continuous stream of uncertainty. There is very little comfort in those kind of moments. You have to sit in it, your mind tricks you into believing that you are locked into this irregular flow of varying emotions: fear, anxiety, and ambiguity. The last few months I’ve certainly struggled with [...]
The last few nights the desert air breathes through our windows. There is a defined chill that passes through the pores of our screen. I hug my Jaipuri blanket and sink into the warmth of our bed. Outside cars are hurrying even though it is almost ten o’clock at night. In my ear, the chimes ring with a faint echo. A sound of helicopter strums a little song. And then within minutes, a wholesale change steers the air in a [...]
“Momma, how do you spell leprechaun?” My daughter is asking me, again, how to spell yet another word. “L-e-p-r-e-c-h-a-u-n.” I slur the letters a little fast, hoping she won’t take notice. “Momma, you went too fast. Spell it again.” With a focused look, she reminds me of a grade school teacher. She is equipped with a clipboard in one hand and a green pen in another. “I have too much to do. I will spell the words later.” I get [...]
“Ritual maintains the world’s holiness. As in a dream a small object may assume significance, so in a life that is animated by ritual there are no insignificant things.” Thomas Moore Most mornings commence with the same beginnings. My alarm rings at 5:30 a.m. and as I lace up my tennis shoes, there is a layer cake of varying shades of darkness in the horizon. The route I run greets me with familiar sights: the pale-brown rabbits hopping away, the amber-pink-blue [...]
Three years ago I still remember. The air smelled of coffee that lingered too long, sandalwood, and of a vanilla Glade plug in. When I walked into my old room, my father laid in a hospital bed in the place where I spent most of my childhood. Within two seconds, my husband checked my father’s pulse and told me in three words, “He has passed.” I didn’t believe him. Screaming inside, my mind insisted that my father was still alive. [...]
