This weekend I felt scattered and pensive. This tension arose from some unexpected personal news and the residual feelings of what happened in Boston over the week. Every time I turned on the television these images kept playing like a scratched record on a turntable: news that one brother died in a gunfire battle, another brother alive, captured, but unable to talk, lying in the same hospital building as those who were victimized by him, and the face of Sean, the MIT [...]
Loss
The events in Boston this week left a lingering dull ache in my heart. When I learned of the Chinese parents who lost their only child, I settled into a deep sadness. I keep asking, why? I know there are no answers to these senseless acts of violence. I sit in silence. No words provide a balm to help soothe the restlessness and anxiety I feel over this week’s events. When I am in this state, I often look to [...]
The month of March meanders through difficult terrain. A few mornings ago, another reminder of what was missing arrived in an unexpected form. In a dream, I relived my father’s funeral. This experience disturbed me for obvious reasons and because I rarely dream, it pushed me to contemplate the noise and stillness in my life. As I approach the 4 year anniversary of the passing of my father, his loss still lurks in the shadow. I fought it for a [...]
For the last few years, February and March are months wedged in sorrow. Next month will mark 4 years since my father’s passing. Thoughts of him sneak in as I buy a new pen, wrap a present, or write a check. This is not accidental. Each of these instances reflected a part of his personality. He loved office supplies, stockpiling an arsenal of legal pads, paperclips, and post-it notes in his work area. During birthdays, he volunteered to wrap presents, [...]
My daughter squeezed my hand tight. Did she know something that I didn’t feel yet? Although our fingers are interlaced and clasped together, my eyes are not fixated on her, but I am unable to remember, months later, what has captured my attention. Sometimes we learn in retrospect. This flicker of time happened on June 24, 2012, on the morning of my sister’s wedding. Studying the picture now I realize that my little girl’s eyes dart upward. Her gaze [...]
She ambles around the dining table and wants to set an extra plate at the dinner table. The dish clanks against the wood as the emptiness reverberates in the air. She’s made all of his favorites: Indian dal, potato curry, and rice pudding. The strong smell of curry sweep the room and her hand dances as she stirs the various textures in her favorite cooking pot. She clings to the past, but it offers her comfort. There is no denying [...]
Take a moment of silence to honor the victims of the Newtown tragedy. Thank you. Charlotte Bacon Daniel Barden Rachel Davino Olivia Engel Josephine Gay Ana M. Marquez-Greene Dylan Hockley Dawn Hochsprung Madeleine F. Hsu Catherine V. Hubbard Chase Kowalski Jesse Lewis James Mattioli Grace McDonnell Anne Marie Murphy Emilie Parker Jack Pinto Noah Pozner Caroline Previdi Jessica Reko Avielle Richman Lauren Rousseau Mary Sherlach Victoria Soto Benjamin Wheeler Allison N. Wyatt
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Time doesn’t always make you forget. Sometimes you are placed in the middle of the place that you dread the most. You are unable to move forward, but instead hurl into a terrain where you feel the breadth of a sudden cold slap in your face. Oh, there is that feeling again, where you revisit the land where mortality intersects out of the walls like invisible laser lights and you try to duck under the lines only to be stranded [...]
During my childhood,birthdays were a reason to celebrate at my house. There was one ritual that always occurred. We bought a cake, gathered around our worn cherry dining table and sang “Happy Birthday” in our best choir voices. We took turns feeding the birthday star. Today that celebration is only a memory. It is my father’s birthday today. I find myself not knowing what to do or how to honor his birthday. Do I revisit past celebrations? Or do I [...]
I check in her room and there is no sign of her. Minutes before, my daughter announced she was going to take a nap in her room. She wasn’t napping on her bed, but slipped into her pink tent and was snuggled into her sleeping bag even though it was almost a hundred degrees outside. Watching the peace on her face, my arms wanted to stretch out and give her a hug. Her tranquility kept my attention. I realized her [...]
